This has been a real challenge for me and Mack. She has spurts of when she wants to try...lately though she goes into freak out mode when I even mention the word "potty". Now I know that a child will not train until they are ready BUUUUTTT....if they go hide to do poop and can tell you they did...then I would say they are ready right???? Well, I am going to keep pressing forward but not real sure if it will EVER happen. :) I am convinced she will go to college in a diaper! The one thing I will say that hasn't changed since the process started is her choice of entertainment while trying. ;)....Oh...she has gotten some hair too!!!

Soooo....I think my Mack just might give American Idol finalist Adam a run for his money with her own rendition of Queen's "We will rock you". I think she might have a good chance!!!

Sorry the video is a bit grainy...I recorded it on my phone....

I don't usually post twice in a day...but I felt this was warranted considering my other post today.

Well, I think it is safe to say I am being tested....
As I stated in my previous post I have a Sister who suffers from Major Mental Illness. She has been going down the wrong path for as long as I can remember. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of years...because I had no idea how to get in touch with her or where she was. Shortly after I posted my previous entry I received a phone call..on my mothers cell phone. I didn't recognize the voice on the other end to be my mother, actually I didn't recognize it at all!

Turns out it was my sister! Ok so what are the chances she would call me today...? Apparently pretty good...

So now I have to put my money where my mouth is...so to speak.

She told me she loved me and missed her big sister. She claims she is on her way to recovery and is going to church with my mom on Sunday! I told her I loved her and MISSED her too and that I would Pray for her. I Pray for God's Grace and power to save her from herself. I don't know what my role is or will be in this but I have to believe God has a purpose and a plan...for her, for me and for the healing of my family!

Not only does the month of May give us Mother's Day it also give us Mental Illness Awareness Month, which for me is more important. See I am the Daughter, Sister and Mother of loved ones who suffers from a Major Mental Illness.

Although I have been around Mental Illness my entire life I didn't really understand or BEGIN to understand exactly what it was until my own Daughter was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder....along with Aspergers Syndrome and a laundry list of other disorders. You see I always thought it was normal that my own Mother would be up til all hours of the night vacuuming the house for the 100th time that day. Or that she might stay in bed for days on end and I would be left to feed myself and younger sister. I thought it was normal that my little sister would see things or hear voices....after all we all have had "imaginary friends" at some point right......

My first real dealing with Major Mental illness was when my sister was 18 or 19 and she was having hallucinations....not "imaginary friends" telling her to take herself to the bottom of the Ohio River. She tried...and failed...Thank God! Needless to say she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Schizophrenia. This began an endless cycle of drugs, self medication and countless run ins with the law. Let me add it is still going on today...and she is in her 3o's....with no end in sight. But see this didn't directly affect me either...I was grown and living on my own...hundreds of miles from my sister. This wasn't my problem. WRONG!

It wasn't until the birth of my 3rd child did I truly find out what Mental Illness was all about. Alexis was born Dec. 31, 1996. I remember that day clearly. She was the last baby born that day...and she was the loudest! She came out crying...and NEVER stopped!

Lets fast forward a few years later. This same beautiful child now 3ish was so full of rage and anger. Where does that come from at such a young age? Anyway, we did all the doctors....Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy...MRI...CAT Scans....Neuro Evaluations...you name it we did it. She was on so much medicine she sounded like a Maraca when she walked!

Fast Forward......

Diagnosis....too many to list....bottom line...MAJOR MENTAL ILLNESS...lots of co-occurring diagnosis. More meds more doctors. Then school...IEP's and resource classes. In the meantime My mom was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder...apparently my childhood wasn't so normal after all!

Rewind....

I knew the day that Alexis was born there was something more...something different....something special! I knew in my heart, but didn't understand at the time....she was suppose to teach me something in particular! I honestly believe that had God not given me this unique child I would have never understood about this Illness. How it affects and destroys families daily! How it destroyed my own family and how EARLY intervention and support is Key to wellness!

Fast Forward....

Alexis is now 12 and is doing GREAT...we have had some minor set backs...but has been med free for over 3 years! I believe God is working in her and will set her free. I also believe that God doesn't want me to sit idle and not be pro-active in her life. I am still learning something new everyday. We take the punches as they come and we deal with them the best we can. Love and support and encouragement has gotten her to this point...and will continue to get her through. Point is don't give up and never give in! God, Love, Grace and forgiveness is such a powerful thing.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Depression, Anxiety...thoughts of suicide...PLEASE get them help immediately!

There are many great resources available....here are just a few!

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
www.nami.org

Silver Ribbon Coalition...where a silver Ribbon to support Mental Illness Awareness
www.silverribbon.org

Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation
www.bpkids.org

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours