For cooking dinner.....

A "pot-stirrer" who is concocting something other than a delicious soup is someone who brings up emotional issues that have already been discussed, resolved, or are on their way to being released. They want to feed the emotional fire and keep it burning for the excitement of the conflict, well beyond the point of being helpful. Pot stirrers can be subtle they often even appear to be the "helpful" friend or caring listener.

excerpt~ Don't sweat the small stuff

Here is an example: Your friend Jane comes to you with a problem; she finds out her husband has been cheating on her. She is upset and understandably needs your comfort, so of course you lend an ear. As time goes on you have many conversations about this topic and what a jerk her husband is. Months later Jane and her husband decide to go to counseling. They are working through their issues and Jane begins to forgive and move on. One day Jane runs into you and you ask how things are going. Your friend says good. Your response is "how can you ever trust him to go anywhere without you?" By asking this you have just crossed the line from friend into an emotional pot stirrer.

Pot stirring can take far more subtle forms, as well. It's not just stirring up big issues like a cheating spouse. It occurs every time we encourage someone to get caught up in an issue that has already headed toward a healthy resolution. It's as if we are saying "Don't let it go!" Why would you want to do that? This is too much fun!"

You've just let go of a minor conflict with your neighbor, when your other neighbor continues to bring up how annoying this person is, encouraging you to stay engaged in your irritation.

The trick is to be able to recognize a pot stirrer, and as well, save your own pot stirring for cooking. When someone else is stirring up your pot, see it as a habit that can't harm you unless you engage or encourage the conversation in some way.

There is no question that the temptation to stir the pot is there. In fact I will admit to stirring a few pots that had nothing to do with cooking dinner, myself. However, ultimately, pot stirring is in no ones best interest. It causes unnecessary stress. So, remind yourself that to stir the pot is counterproductive to your own peace of mind and to the resolution of your issues. It's like choosing to overcook your evening meal...all you end up with is burnt soup!!!